Sticks and stones
It’s no secret that sitting in the waiting room of my OB’s office has caused me some anxiety in the past. Recently, though, I thought we had really turned a corner in all of this and I could sit in peace while I waited to have a good visit with my doctor.
I sat down and opened some well-worn magazine in the waiting room, hoping to pass the time. And then I heard this woman. She was the grandmother, as best as I can tell, tending to her grandson while her daughter was in the office for some checkup. I heard her before I saw her. The boy was crying the cry of an over-tired toddler who was probably late for his nap. Given the time of day, that in of itself was not unusual. But the woman was yelling at him to “shut up” as he cried.
“Shut up!”
“You hear me, boy? Hush that noise!”
“Go to sleep if you so tired. Just quit your cryin’.”
“Your momma gonna beat your ass when she come out.”
“I am so. sick. of. you.”
The boy would stifle his cries and burrow into her arm but then start to cry again after a bit and the yelling would start up again.
Occasionally, I heard a light slapping sound as she smacked his leg to emphasize the “shut up” portion of her diatribe. Ironically, it seemed to work after about 10 minutes or so and he eventually fell asleep (or at least stopped crying) and clutched his bottle of water.
As I sat there with my back to them, I could feel my face getting hot. I waffled between wanting to rush over and pick that poor boy up to snuggle him to sleep and rolling up my well-worn magazine so I could smack the woman in the head with it why yelling that “I’d give her something to cry about.”
In the end, I did neither. I could barely muster turning around to glare at her, fearing that glaring would lead to my leaving my seat and doing something that would end in a ride to the police station. And as I’ve said before I can’t have this baby behind bars. So I just sat there, sick with anger and sadness.
I have never felt an urge so strong before to rush to the defense of someone. It was like a chemical surge with every hateful thing she said. Yet once the boy settled down, the pregnant woman next to them casually chatted with the grandmother as if nothing were wrong.
Nothing I wanted to do seemed right (or even remotely legal), so in the end, I did nothing. But those words “I am so. sick. of. you.” still put knots in my stomach.
That kills me too. I’m firm with my little man but I would never say anything like I’m sick of you etc… A child MUST know, even when they are being disciplined, that they are loved and wanted. It is the LEAST a parent can do.
We had some people living behind us for a while with young kids about Richard’s age (early grade-school at the time). There was an extra man living there, who was said to be the mother’s brother. I think he was there because the dad was deployed. I heard him say to the kids one day: “You disgust me.” I cringed.
I know how you feel; it is one of the most horriblethign there is, to listen to a child being told, however subtly or NOT, that they are worthless. that poor, poor little boy!
Maybe I’m callus and violent, but I think that grandmother deserved a good swat in the head with your magazine. I totally second your urge to take action!
I can so relate. Things like that have always made me so sick and sad, but once I had Lilian my empathy with the children incresed thousandfold.
I was in Target and there was a woman in the aisle next to us with her 3 or 4 year old girl in the cart. She was screaming at her telling her to shut up and that she was so selfish – over and over and over again. I gave a glare as she walked by and she glared back and I wanted to punch her.
Another day a woman in a hoodie was walking her 7ish year old sister/daughter home from school and yelled to her – I said to walk on this side of the street, you little bitch! I got so sick to my stomach and wanted to cry.
Oh, how horrible. I admit, I get frustrated with the boys occasionally, but even so how could somebody ever say THAT?
I had a similar experience in the perinatologists office. I was hooked up to the NST machine, and there was a woman in the curtained off area next to me, having the same thing done, but who brought her toddler with her. I understand that it’s hard to find care, but you *can’t* watch a toddler while confined to a chair hooked up to instruments. This woman was shouting at the kid and threatening. The *perinatologist* called family services.
Welcome to my world. I have been dealing with this same issue for years. I often wish I could just walk across the room and beat the snot out of people like this grandmother. Just be glad it didn’t result in the child actually getting a beating.
Genie Reply:
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Dude, you deserve a medal for every day you make it through work and don’t end up behind bars for assault. I cannot even imagine the horrible behavior (and consequences from it) that you’ve had to witness.
That feeling of sickness and rage? It never goes away. And that’s a good thing.
The closest I’ve ever come to cold-blooded murder was after reading a story in the WaPo about a woman who, in WalMart, beat her three-year-old bloody to shut him up. Literally beat him into submission – lacerations on his face and neck, bruises on his body and limbs. Finally, after FIVE MINUTES, a store manager called police. And was disciplined by WM Corporate for interfering.
Every person who saw that little boy beaten and did nothing should die by fire. I had a three-year-old at the time, and while he could be irritating as hell, I cannot imagine taking out my rage and frustration on him like that.
Recounting the story still makes me shake with rage. I dream at night of tracking down each of those people and exacting adult-style revenge on the hapless idiots who couldn’t be bothered to help a child.
Genie Reply:
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
I had an aunt-in-law who was known to verbally reprimand parents who were behaving badly in grocery stores. We always wondered if she was going to end up in a fist fight, but it was completely against her nature to stand by in the face of something she saw as Wrong.
“I’m tired of your behavior!” is one thing, “I’m sick of you” is another entirely.
And yet we all fight with the urge to correct and the knowledge that if any sanctimonious bitch corrected us we’d be aghast, but would we be ashamed and introspective? It is a very fine and delicate line to walk between different parenting techniques and minor physical or mental abuse.
All that said, poor kid.
Ugh. I’ve witnessed stuff like that before and I’ve stood there trying to decide if I should say something or not. I think the recommended approach is to say something to the parent like “It sounds like you’re having a hard time. Can I help you out in any way? Can I keep an eye on your kid for a moment while you take a break? I know how hard it is with a small child.” Or something to that effect, so the parent doesn’t feel threatened and you interrupt the abuse without escalating the situation. That’s the theory anyway. I have no idea if it would work though.