My plan this afternoon was to pick up my mother and take her with me and Ian to Trader Joe’s. She was curious about it since she had so thoroughly enjoyed the cookies I had bought from there recently. Ian went down for his nap right on time and woke up a little early from it so we had plenty of time for this adventure.

As Ian and I pulled up to my parents, my dad (AKA Pop according to Ian) was heading over to the neighbor’s house to “help with some leaves.” Ian kept asking as we went inside, “where Pop go?” and when I told him he was outside helping with leaves he got down from the kitchen table where my mom (Mamaw) and I were sitting, grabbed his coat and headed for the front door saying, “I wanna see leaves.” Um, ok.

So I carried him two houses down to Paul’s house and not seeing any leaves in the front yard, moseyed into the backyard. There I found Paul and my dad and Paul’s daughter raking a bunch of leaves out of my father’s truck into a pile. It looked like they were almost done so I thought we might make it back inside where it’s warm. Then Daddy said, “oh I brought that chain for you.” Apparently they were going to pull over a tree in Paul’s front yard too. And apparently Ian needed to witness that.

So Daddy and Paul wrapped this huge tractor chain around the tree and Daddy used his pickup to pull the tree over. Now we should be able to go in where it’s warm! Ah, but then the discussion went to how the tree was going to get out of the giant hole it was in. Daddy was trying to explain that the direction the chain was wrapped mattered because they were trying to roll it out of the hole. It took about three different tries of pulling the tree in various directions, but eventually Daddy pulled this big tree up out of the hole and onto the lawn. As soon as it stopped moving, Ian yelled out, “Pop did it! Pop did it!!”

Paul said, “I don’t know how you got so lucky to get that tree out, George.” and I told him, “it’s not luck; it’s experience.”

Then the tree was blocking the sidewalk, so Daddy had to go get his chainsaw to cut it up. Ian of course had to stick around for that too. It wasn’t until the tree was all cut up and they were just stacking wood that he relented that he was cold and wanted to go inside and see Mamaw.

After another 30 minutes we were finally ready to go to Trader Joe’s. Daddy sheepishly asked how long we would be gone because he might want to go to (“I don’t know what else I’d do while you’re gone so I might as well come along.”). So we all piled in the car on a field trip. I was not so sure about my father going to Trader Joe’s because things there are not cheap and my father won’t eat name brand Beanie Weanies because they’re too expensive but he managed to have a good time.

We roamed around the various aisles and Daddy was wooed by the free samples of coffee and entrees. I discovered my father had never heard of yogurt covered raisins because he pointed to them and said, “wow they will combine anything!” I then had to put a container of them in the cart because one of Ian’s favorite foods is yogurt covered raisins and we had gone there specifically for them. My two-year-old is more worldly than the 70-year-old in some ways. Daddy also had never seen a checkout display that showed the items as they were ringing up, so it’s probably good he went on this field trip just to get a little more experience.

Ian was getting punchy and super tired and the 1/2 mile between Trader Joe’s and Chick-fil-a was a screaming cry-fest. Only waffle fries could placate him. My father said, “you never did anything like this when you were his age” but a little later in the car he added, “then again we never really went anywhere with you kids when you were little.” I reminded him that most kids are good but only do annoying things when they’re in bad situations and out of reserves. They’re over-tired, over-stimulated and over-extended, just like Ian was tonight. Thank God for waffle fries.

Mom says she wants to go back to Trader Joe’s with me again and leave Daddy at home so we have more time to browse and look for things to buy without him. But at least Daddy now understands that Trader Joe’s is a grocery store and not a military surplus store, like he did when he agreed to go on this field trip with us tonight.

For all his experience with tractor chains and tree stumps, Daddy still has things to learn and the two-year-old is helping teach him.

Today has been better. We all slept in until 9am adjusted time, though I did have to spend part of my “gained hour” cleaning up a river of dog pee (hooray using extra diaper inserts for soaking capacity!). I’m not sure what caused the random incontinence since they’re both good about whining and they went out at bedtime, but maybe the entire box of dog treats the stupid cat knocked down and they all gorged on had something to do with altering everyone’s system.

I’m still under the weather, but we had a very nice day all told. Ian and I stopped by my parents’ house and we all went for a walk to pull wagons. First Ian wanted Pop to pull him in the big wagon but wanted me to bring the small wagon too. Then he wanted out so he could pull the small wagon. Then he wanted to get in the small wagon while I pulled it. That’s when Mamaw asked if she was supposed to get in Pop’s wagon.

I can’t say enough how much it pleases me to see my father smiling again. He still has his anxious moments but is a million times better overall.

Dad called last night on his way home from the farm where they’ve spent the last few days making molasses. It was funny to hear him say over and over “well, it’s a long story but …”

I wish it could be a pleasant family tradition of cutting cane, milling it for juice and swapping stories as we all sit around the cooker. But it’s more of a grueling few days of hard labor.

At least Dad sounded optimistic on the way home that next year would be better.

There’s always next year.

It’s fitting that I’m sitting down to write this during Ian’s nap time. It’s also fitting that his noon naptime turned into finally falling asleep on me in the recliner at 1:30pm.

I think we all try to learn from our own experiences to know how we should handle things with others. But as Rich likes to say, I was raised by wolves. I never had an allowance. I never got grounded. I didn’t have designated chores. And I never had a bedtime.

When I was an infant I slept in my parents’ room. They were co-sleepers before co-sleeping was cool, mostly because there were five of us living in a two bedroom house under major construction. I first slept on a shelf/drawer that my father built next to their bed. And I eventually moved to a crib at the foot of their bed. I stayed in that crib until I was four and a half.

We then moved across the street to a much larger three bedroom house. But since my oldest brother was 22 at the time and had never had his own room, my parents gave him the master bedroom and they took the mother-in-law suite in the back. I shared that room with my parents until I was at least 7 or so? I can’t really remember.

My parents don’t have similar schedules at all. Mom is a morning person and Dad is a night owl. I stayed up many a night watching Johnny Carson with Daddy and it’s one of my favorite memories. I don’t ever remember being tired as a kid. (They also let me drink coffee and at 6 feet I don’t think it stunted my growth.)

If I did go to bed before Daddy, I went to bed with Mom. I remember lying in bed with her having her rub my back. As she would fall asleep herself I would make a little wiggle to wake her back up so she’d keep patting me. Funny how I’m the one now patting Ian and falling asleep in the bed.

Whenever Daddy would come to bed, he would pick me up and carry me back to my room. Sometimes it would wake me up but I always pretended to be asleep because I loved how it felt being carried back and tucked into bed.

So here we are with a child of our own and no rules. For his first year or so he never even had pajamas. We only started using them in the winter because he kicks his blankets off. We do talk about night night now and we do have a routine. But sometimes that routine starts later than others. And sometimes he’s just not tired.

Lots of books talk about how you’re supposed to train your child to sleep or teach them how to go to sleep on their own. But I was never trained that I know of and I sleep like a corpse (it’s kind of alarming). Really, even as an adult I’d rather go to bed snuggled up with someone patting my back than by myself while everyone else stays awake. It just seems like common sense to me.

Ian will have plenty of time to sleep all day without my help. For now I just want to make sure he’s happy and safe and comfy. It’s what my parents did for me so it only seems fair I pass it on.

Dad said he was going to come by yesterday evening and trim a few limbs off the tree in the back so the garden got more sun. When we left for dinner, he was on a step ladder with a set of loppers.

When we came home he was on an extension ladder with an electric saw.

Those few limbs were about as much as a medium sized tree all over our yard.

We went from bundling a few limbs to him calling for a special trash pick up this week. But those last two tomato plants (two of 24, remember) will get more sun this summer.